Rub Me Dirty Rub My Heiny Kona Coffee Pork Rub

Rub Me Dirty



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Rub My Heiny Kona Coffee Pork Rub includes cocoa powder that showcases a hint of bitterness like an overworked and underpaid employee. But, is offset with the sweetness of brown sugar like the sun kissing the skin of scantily clad surfer. The natural acidity from our 100% Kona Coffee balances both elements and ties it together in holy matrimony.

We spent countless hours perfecting the ratio of cayenne and paprika that gave way to balanced heat and smokiness. We consider this to be our flagship product as it has 11 different spices working together like the gears in our fake Rolex we bought in the park. Note: quality products are sold here, not on park benches.


  • Just one ounce of rub will easily season 3+ lbs of pork
  • It’ll make you forget your name when used on pork chops, pork loin, pork butt, ribs, spare ribs, elk, bison, sheep, rabbit, lamb, venison, and more
  • The air-tight zipper keeps it fresh up to 18 months, like the Prince of Bel Air

NET WT. 5.0 oz.

  • Jam-packed with 11 spices like teenage girls at a free BTS concert: salt, cocoa powder, 100% Kona Coffee, paprika, celery seed, garlic, onion, brown sugar, coriander, black pepper, and cayenne pepper
  • Gluten-free, non-GMO, all-natural, no MSG, no additives, dairy-free, and packaged in a peanut-free facility

$9.95 Flat Rate Shipping available for all orders. FREE SHIPPING for orders over $89.99 to the 48 contiguous United States. For flat rate and free shipping, Armadillo Pepper will use USPS Priority, FedEx or UPS at our discretion. Please note: We cannot honor flat rating or free shipping to PO Boxes or APO addresses.

Gallons are excluded from Flat Rate and Free shipping.

Most orders ship within 2 business days (order processing time), unless specifically stated otherwise in the product description. Orders are shipped Monday through Friday. Please note that during the holiday season (and a few days after the holiday season), your order may take longer than 2 business days to process. 

Shipping times estimated by USPS Priority, UPS and FedEx Home Delivery are estimates and are not guaranteed by the carriers. The estimated shipping time is in addition to the order processing time specified above. 

FREE Shipping for Sauce and Jerky of the Month Orders regardless of order value (excluding Hawaii and Alaska).

NOTE: A street address is required for any FedEx/UPS order. FedEx will not deliver to a P.O. Box.

For shipping times and more details visit our Shipping page.

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